April 13, 2013

Best Justin Bieber Jokes Ever


Q: What's worse than finding a Justin Bieber CD in your boyfriend's bedroom?
A: Finding a box of tissues next to it. 

Q: What’s the difference between a water bottle and puberty? 
A: A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber. 

Q: Why is Justin Bieber so pale? 
A: Because theres no light in the closet! 

Q: How do stories from Justin Biebers early childhood begin? 
A: "A few months ago" 

Q: Why doesn't Justin Bieber eat bananas? 
A: He can't find the zipper! 

Q: How did Justin Bieber hurt his head? 
A: He fell off a ladder trying to reach puberty! 

Q: What does Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree have in common? 
A: Their balls are just for decoration. 

Q: What does Justin Bieber and the New Years crowd at Time Square have in common? 
A: They’re both waiting for balls to drop! 

Q: What will happen if you call Justin Bieber gay? 
A: He will slap you with his man purse. 

Q:What do you call a Canadian girl who can't sing? 
A:Justin Bieber. 

Q: What is Justin Bieber's new hit single? 
A: "If I were a Boy" 

Q: What’s the difference between Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga ? 
A: One of them has balls and it ain’t Bieber. 

Q: Why is it sometimes alright to judge a book by its cover? 
A: Sometimes it's named 'Justin Bieber', and you know its crap! 

Q: Why is Justin Bieber like Ms. Pac-man! 
A: Just a token and she's ready to swallow! 

Q: How hard is puberty going to hit Justin Bieber? 
A: Harder then Chris Brown hitting Rihanna! I heard Justin Bieber has an 8 inch dick, But it’s in his ass and belongs to Usher. 

Q: What does Justin Biebers asshole and his mouth have in common? 
A: They both produce the same shit! 

Q: Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? 
A: A Snickers bar has nuts! 

Q: Why do Justin Biebers male friends nickname him "Shotgun"? 
A: Give him a cock and he'll Blow! 

Q: If Eminem is the King of Rap, what is Justin Bieber? 
A: The Queen of Crap! 

Q: What does Justin Bieber and Pinocchio have in common? 
A: They both want to be real boys. 

Q: What is the biggest lie of 2011? 
A: "Justin Bieber is the father of my Baby" - Mariah Yeater. 

Q: What is Victoria's Secret? 
A: (whispering) Justin Bieber is gay! 

Q:  How do you piss off Justin Bieber? 
A: Tell him Santa Claus aint real. 

Q: How do you REALLY piss him off? 
A: Punch him in the teeth & tell him the tooth fairy aint real!

Some other similar crap:
1. Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja- Funny Facts
2. Best of Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja
3. Lord Rohit Sharma Jokes- II

March 24, 2013

Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja- Funny Facts


Respected Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja, who is the only kho-kho player of India, who also plays cricket. This gujarati guy believed inventor of cricket and considered the Rajnikant of cricket.

Now a days a lots of facts are trending around the internet world, but a very few of them are trustworthy. Dilutelife here bring you a good number of Sir Jadeja fact, which in fact are facts. Please enjoy and don't forget like/share us on FB.

Sir Jadeja was the Driver of the bus in which Rajinikanth worked as a conductor.

Ravindra Jadeja once bowled with his own balls.

Once Sir jadeja became the coach of Indian cricket team and guess what India won the Fifa world cup.

Only 4 batsmen in first class cricket have made two 300s in the same season- WG Grace, Bill Ponsford, Don Bradman and Ravindra Jadeja.

The reason Sir Ravindra Jadeja did not hit a triple century was because Justice Katju had written to him to pardon Australia.

Sir Jadeja can take 12 wickets in an inning....

Dhoni got selected as a captain because of Sir Jadeja.

Actually Sachin is holding his retirement as he is waiting for Sir Ravindra Jadeja to grant him the permission.

In the epic Lagaan match against the british, Sir Ravindra Jadeja secretly trained Kachra on how to spin the ball.

Jadeja is the only national kho kho player who can also play cricket

Ravindra Jadeja is only cricketer who can eat cricket, sleep cricket, drink cricket and next morning has no trouble in the loo

Sachin : The God of cricket...... Ravindra Jadeja: The Rajinikanth of cricket!

Ravindra Jadeja cracked the joke that made Mona Lisa smile. She otherwise was in a real foul mood

The queen bestows knighthood on others, Jadeja bestows knighthood on the queen

When any Aus bowler appeal for "HowwzzzzzT ?" , the umpire take permission from Sir Jadeja

SIRJadeja once took a carbon ball, he rubbed it so much it turned into Kohinoor Diamond.

Sir Ravindra Jadeja once gave his blessings to a kid. That kid grew up to be Rajinikanth.

When Mark Zukerberg created Facebook he already had a friend request waiting from Ravindra Jadeja

Neil Armstrong was hesitant about stepping on moon, Ravindra Jadeja pushed him from behind.

Necessity is the mother of Invention . Sir Jadeja is Father .

Hadron Collider is such a waste of money. Ravindra Jadeja can make a particle out of God with a force exceeding one million TeV

Australian batsman are going to file gang rape case against Sir Ravindra Jadeja

Sir Jadeja can take a wicket by catching a ball outside boundary.

Sir Jadeja can get a wicket on a free hit.

The Earth is nothing but the spin ball of Lord Jadeja

Sir Jadeja can take a hat-trick in just one ball.

Poojara to be declared SIr Jadeja of the series

Sir Ravindra Jadeja wished to play Holi with white only and India Whitewashed Australia

India has never lost a Test Match when Sir Sri Sri Ravindra Jadeja is included in the playing XI.

You may also like:

March 23, 2013

Best of Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja

No comments:
SRCJ can bowl a slow off-spinning reverse-swinging leg-break at yorker length which will bounce above the shoulder of the batsman at 150 kmph!!!

SRCJ was born on December 6 which happens to be the 340th day of the year!!!
Another 'TRIPLE' in his crown!!!!

Sir Jadeja is a Captain Hunter.

Sir Ravindra jadeja once shined a ball..it is Now known as Kohinoor Diamond.... 

The next India- Australia bilateral series will be known as Sir Jadeja-Clarke series in which Australian team will hand over the trophy to Indian team without playing a single match. 

                                Sir Jadeja can walk over water.

R icky Ponting
A dam Gilchrist
V ivian Richards
I an Botham
N athan Astle
D on Bradman
R ichard Hadlee
A lastair Cook
J aques Kallis
A B De Villiers
D aniel Vettori
E J Chatfield
J ack Hobbs
A llan Donald
A combination of all such players
can make
the great…..

Dhawan had to play such a great innings on debut to trend on twitter. Our Sir Ravindra Jadeja trends everyday without doing anything. #Legend

Virender Sehwag Rohit Sharma Ishant Sharma and Harbajan Singh are nominees for Title 'SIR' -2013 award.

Success is 99% perspiration and 1% luck,unless you are Sir Ravindra Jadeja.

Nobody can dismiss Sir Ravindra Jadeja. He only throws his wicket.

Michel Clarke will b missing the 4th Test match of the series 
after playing 92 consecutive test matches. 

He says 'I don't want to waste my time & energy. Coz now i know Sir Jadeja very well. Its impossible to win against him.'

We didnot loose to a team called, India we are lost to a man called, SIR RAVINDRA JADEJA- Micheal Clarke

March 05, 2013

Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja: Pics Jokes -2

Guys, here is a collection of Pics jokes on Sri Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja, the legendary all-rounder who plays for Indian Cricket team. 

1. Sri Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja is so talented and fantastic all-rounder, here is an example. 


2.  Sri Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja is no lesser than any religious figure. 

3. The legendary all-rounder is world famous for his triple centuries.

4. Just like Sachin Tendulkar, Sri Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja is also quite popular. When he plays world stops for watch him.

5. This is how Sri Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja got his title.

6. Sri Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja means hundred percent success.

If you like the post must read: 

Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja- Pics

Lord Rohit Sharma Jokes- II

Being A Common-man in India

No comments:
Guys, as most of us fall into a very danger zone area, that is being a common-man, only our heart knows that how hard it is to be and remain constantly a common-man in India. There are many side effect of being one, most of those are negative and very frustrating. In India being a common-man is no piece of cake, you should have a lot of patience, courage and great ability to stop yourself to do anything that makes sense.

February 19, 2013

Missing some funny stuff???

No comments:
Missing some funny stuff??? Here we have some weird, funny but damn true facts. Enjoyyy....

Coca-Cola was originally green.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

February 12, 2013

Abhishek Bachchan's fake FB Wall

1 comment:

Fake FB Wall: Created by Dilute Life

February 10, 2013

Interview of a married man

No comments:

Guys here is very eye opening interview of a married man for the benefit of the unmarried ones, who may learn a few things and keep themselves away from this hell.... Enjoyyyy......

Reporter: So how is your married life?
Mr. Bansal: First of all, “married life” is an oxymoron.

Reporter: But people say marriages are made in heaven?
Mr. Bansal: Only if heaven is full of Chinese people.

Reporter: So yours was an arranged marriage, how was it?
Mr. Bansal: Arrange marriage for a man is like Eid for a goat. They treat him like a prince, feed him with great foods, and dress him with bright colors and then…

Reporter: Hmm, so when did you realize that married life is dangerous?
Mr. Bansal: I knew it from day one, marriage is danger, that’s why the bride always wears RED.

Reporter: I’ve heard that arranged marriages last longer that the love ones? Is it true?
Mr. Bansal: Love marriages, hahaha, mostly it goes like this:
We are made for each other.
We are mad for each other.
We are maid for each other.

Reporter: If it is that bad then how married people pass their time?
Mr. Bansal: They watch a lot of TV. Wife watches “Punar-Vivah” and husband wants it for real.

Reporter: So, why you guys don’t do any fun things, like playing games together?
Mr. Bansal: Yes we do. Me and my wife, we are playing a game called “You to be blamed”, very close game, right now she is leading by 1876 – 1.

Reporter: Okay, tell us, what kind of conversations you guys make while you’re free?
Mr. Bansal: She asks a lot of questions, every wife does, and as we start answering their questions, they start questioning our answers.

Reporter: So any tips you wanna share?
Mr. Bansal: Yep, quite a few:
(A). Don’t waste your energy trying to make her laugh, she’ll treat you like a clown anyway.
(B). Never reply to your wife’s “I love you” text with an OKAY.
(C). Remember, a perfect husband is one who apologies every time his wife makes a mistake.
(D). And yes, take you wife on holidays to different places of the world, that will increase chances of her being lost. =D

                                                                                                                                                                        Source: Internet 

बाबा पाखंडानन्द महाराज

No comments:
हाँ तो भाइयो और बहनों जैसा की आप सभी जानते ही हो कि हर बार की तरह इस बार भी हमारे  महान गुरुदेव श्री श्री 1008 बाबा पाखंडानन्द  महाराज अपने भक्तो को इस पापी संसार के मोह माया से मुक्त कराने हेतु इस  अमावस्या के पावन मौके पर एक बार फिर से महा यज्ञ करवाने जा रहे है।जिसके लिए पिछले काफी दिनों से जोर शोर से तैयारिया चल रही है। इस पवन मौके पर बाबा के सबसे बड़े भक्त सर रविन्द्र चार्ल्स जडेजा और लार्ड  रोहित शर्मा भी शामिल होने जा रहे है। इस महा यज्ञ के बारे में बाबा के परम भक्त सर रविन्द्र चार्ल्स जडेजा जिन्होंने हाल ही के क्रिकेट मेचो में अपार तारीफे बटोरी है, बड़े ही खुश और उत्साहित नज़र आये और यज्ञ पंडाल में सभी को भाग-भाग कर ऑटोग्राफ दे रहे है। 

बाबा के कुछ अन्य प्रसिद भक्त जैसे कलमाड़ीजी और राजा साहेब  भी बहुत जोर शोर से तैयारिया कर रहे है। गौरतलब है की यज्ञ के सामान के लिए कल्माडीजी को जिम्मेदारी सौपी गयी है जिन्होंने यज्ञ के लिए 8-8 हजार रूपये के स्पेशल कमंडल ख़रीदे है, जो शुद्ध नीम की लकड़ी से बने है। 

यज्ञ के अन्य आकर्षणों में देश के कई बड़े बड़े नेतागण है जो अपने कुत्तो के साथ हाथियों की तरह पंडाल में विचर रहे है। इन सभी हस्तियों के आने से कुम्भ्मेले की शोभा में चार चाँद लग गये है और लोकल पुलिस भी उनकी सुरक्षा में काफी चौकस दिखाई  दे रही है, जो अक्सर सिर्फ आलस फैलाती नजर आती है।

January 30, 2013

Lord Rohit Sharma Jokes- II

No comments:

Rohit Sharma is one talented player in Indian Cricket team, here are some of the unheard things about him:

Once Rohit Sharma walked into a bar, the manager yelled “Isko mat pilana, ye bahut zaldi OUT ho jata hai”. 

Rohit Sharma is soon going to play a lead role in “Gone in sixty seconds”.

Rohit Sharma is a very talented player, it’s just that he is out of form since 1972. ~Sandip Patil.

Guy: Hello, is Rohit there?| No, he just went out to bat. | Guy: Okay, no problem, put me on hold, I’ll wait.

Rohit Sharma : Pitch :: MPs : Parliament.

Rohit Sharma not only looks like Rahul Mahajan, he bats like him too.

Rohit Sharma is the Tendulkar of nothing. ~Dhoni.

Once Rohit Sharma got out, met Dhoni on the halfway, asked “What should I do?”. Dhoni: Just, keep going.

Rohit Sharma’s bat is so useful, his maid beats the shit out of the clothes using that.

Rohit Sharma is like God, we know he exists, we just don’t see him performing.

Source: Internet

The most inspiring celebrity quotes


 "I was raped at the age of 9 "- Oprah Winfrey  

"I didn't even complete my university education" -       Bill Gates

"I was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by my father as far back as I can remember until I left home at the age of eighteen" - Joyce Meyer

"I struggled academically throughout elementary school" - Dr Ben Carson

"I used to serve tea at a shop to support my football training" - Lionel Messi 

"I used to sleep on the floor in friends' rooms,returning Coke bottles for food, money, and getting weekly free meals at a local temple" -Steve Jobs

"My teachers used to call me a failure" - Tony Blair

"I was in prison for 27 years"- Retired President Nelson Mandela

January 29, 2013

Raghu and Neha- flirting


Raghu: Hi, What’s up sweaty. Why are you crying?
Neha(surprisingly): Hey, I’m not crying. What…what made you to think that I am crying?
Raghu: Really?? (Making a solid eye contact) than why the beautiful face is not glowing as much as it usually does??
Neha: You are flirting na??
Raghu(mischievously): Noooo, what made you think that I’m Flirting?
Neha: I just got a feeling that you… you know what I mean.
Raghu: Yeah I know what does that mean. What if you are right, is it ok?
Neha: of course not. You know I’m committed to rahul and you know what I mean; I just don’t think that it is a good I mean good Idea.  I’m sorry, I just, I ….. Are you damn serious about this?
Raghu: Well, I’m not saying that you should break up with the guy, what I’m saying is, umm…. Should we go to my room and talk?
Neha: No, no, no… I have to attend Sirini Sir’s lecture just now.
Raghu: It will be fine if you bunk this one. I promise you will not miss it at all. After finishing a little chat at my ROOM, you can pick a cab to your hostal or I will drop you there is it is okay for you.
Neha: But…. What I mean is, umm… I don’t think, ooops shall I call rahu….. Okay I just bunk this one and I…. Let’s go.

Famous quotes on Lord Rohit Sharma

1 comment:
“People say that they wouldn't pay to watch me play, but even I wouldn't pay to watch him play!” – ‘Sir’ Ravindra Jadeja

“We are trying to secure him for our next advertisement because he swings the bat so fast!” – Manager, Khaitan fans.

“Rohit was sent to Earth by Sachin to play cricket. He is still regretting his mistake.” – Unknown

“I have never compared myself to anyone, but it’s hard to resist him!!” - Shahid Afridi

“Finally I can retire in peace and can rest easy knowing that my ‘walking wicket’ title has been passed on to an extremely deserving candidate!” – Chris Martin

”In an over I can bowl six different balls. But then Rohit looks at me with a sort of gentle bemusement down the pitch as if to say ‘Do you need more than one?’ – Steve Finn

“I have delayed my shoots a few seconds to watch Rohit bat” - Filmstar Abhishek Bachchan.

“If you can’t get the wicket of Rohit Sharma, you are struggling in life” – Brett Lee

“Ask him to walk on water for his team and he will ask you ‘are u effing kidding me? I can’t bat to save my life!! “- Harsha Bhogle

“You might pitch a ball down the leg stump and think you have bowled a poor ball and he walks around and gets it inside edge off to the stumps. His bat looks so light but he just waves it around like a clown” – Brett Lee

“India’s fortune will depend on how soon he gets out. There is no doubt Rohit is a funny thing!” - Sunil Gavaskar

”I’d like to see him go out and bat one day with a stump. I tell you that’s what he’s been doing all this while” - Greg Chappell

”He is to batting what Munaf is to fielding!” – Sourav Ganguly

“What we don’t need is a Rohit Sharma!” – Hamilton Masakadza, batsman, Zimbabwe

“During our team meetings, we rarely speak about the importance of the first three balls to Rohit Shama. If you can get him, you can thank your stars, otherwise you can get him in the next three balls” – Dale Steyn

“I get bored of umpiring when Rohit is batting”- Simon Taufel

“Don’t change the channel when Rohit Sharma walks out to bat, because by the time you change it back, he‘d be long gone!!” – Ravi Shastri

“Don’t commit your crimes when Rohit is batting, you’d hardly have any time” – Matthew Hayden

“Technically you can’t fault Rohit, where is the effing technique anyway?” – Geoffrey Boycott

We did not lose to a team called India, we just picked Rohit’s wicket”- Michael Clarke

Source: Internet 

January 28, 2013

Jaipur Literature Festival

No comments:

I was fortunate enough to lose my job last month(not exactly) that enable me to attend the 6th Jaipur Literature Festival, held at Jaipur's beautiful Palace turned to Hotel- 'Hotel Diggi Palace' on 24th to 28th January 13. It has not been a very long time since the organisers come up with the idea of starting a Literature Festival at the hottest tourist spot of India; probable they had no idea about the immense success of the function that it enjoy now. 

For me 'Jaipur Literature Festival' is like a Mahakumbh of Literature world where you can find thousands of bookworms from across the world, people with different faces, with different cultures and ideologies. It was a great experience to listen thinkers and authors from various parts of world discussing relevant ideas under the same roof. This year likes of Dalai Lama, Javed Akhtar, Shobha De, Shoma Choudhry, Prasoon Joshi, Shabana Azmi, Rahul Dravid and others attended JLF 13 and shared their views with the audiences and answer their questions. 

Next year it will be held from 17th to 21st January at the same venue to part of probable the greatest Literature festival on earth as advertise. 

Popular Posts