7 FUNNY JOKES

1). In School Days,

SANTA Was A Class Monitor!!
1 Day A New Teacher Asked Him.

"How Many Students R there In Ur Class???

He Replied:
"32 Girls, 44 Boys & Me'':-D

2). Girlfriend: Baby,

   I'm Pregnant.
   What Do You Want It To Be?
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   Boyfriend: A Joke.

   3). What is the difference between wife & saali?

Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,

Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,

Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,

Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,

Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,

Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake...:p

4). Human brain is the most

    outstanding object in world.
    It functions 24 hours a day,
    365 days a year.
    It functions right from the time we are born,
    and stop only when we enter the examination hall.

  5).  2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls

Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.

1st Guy To Second-What Will We Do Now?

2nd Guy-U Marry My Sis,
I Will Marry Ur Sis

6). On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him,

    "Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
    Sardar : "Ya sure, from landline or mobile".

   7). SANTA went to court

JUDGE:
"Order ! Order !"

SANTA:
"1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"

JUDGE:
"Shut Up !"

SANTA:"No,No..7-Up!

THE BUST

A few years ago, Joseph was finally given an exit permit by the Russians
and allowed to emigrate to Israel to join his family. He was
told that he could only take what he could pack into one suitcase. At
the Moscow airport he was stopped by an enormous customs officer who
glared at him and snarled, "Open the case!"

Joseph opened the case and the Russian rummaged through the meagre
belongings and pulled out a large bundle wrapped in old copies of
Pravda. He unwrapped it to reveal a bust of Stalin.

"What is that?" snarled the customs officer.

"What is that?" said Joseph timidly. "You shouldn't ask 'What is
that?' - you should ask 'Who is that?' That is our glorious leader
Stalin. I'm taking it to my new home to remind me of all the wonderful
things that he did and the marvellous life that I am leaving behind."

"I always knew that you Jews were mad!" said the official, tossing the
bust into the case. "Go!"

A few hours later Joseph arrived at Ben Gurion airport and was
confronted by an Israeli customs officer. "Shalom. Welcome to Israel.
Open the case!"

Once again Joseph's belongings were examined and the customs officer
came upon the bust.

"What is that?" said the customs officer.

"What is that?" said Joseph indignantly. "You shouldn't ask 'What is
that?' - you should ask 'Who is that?' That is the bastard, Stalin.
I'm taking it to my new home to remind me of all the misery and
suffering that he caused me for most of my life. I want to spit on it
every day for the rest of my life."

"I always knew that you Russians were mad!" said the official, tossing
the bust into the case. "Go!"

At last Joseph arrived in his new home and eventually got around to
unpacking, watched by his young nephew. He took out his few clothes
and then carefully unwrapped the bust of Stalin and put it on a table.

"Who is that?" asked his nephew.

"Who is that?" said Joseph with a smile. "You shouldn't ask, 'Who is
that?' - You should ask, 'What is that?' That is five kilos of gold
and a bit of black shoe polish."

RAJNI RETUNS

When Rajnikant was studying in 3rd std....some1 stole his rough note....&

Now they call it as .............Wikipedia

Crazy people!!!! ;)

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When Rajnikant was a Student¦!!!

Teachers use to Bunk the classes!!!

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Rajnikant started college. All students were confused while taking admission because name of college is

"Rajnikant's Medical College of Engineering for Commerce".

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THE MOST NEGLECTED FACT OF THE ENTIRE DECADE!!!!


Sachin Tendulkar's mothers name is RAJNI Tendulkar

And his coach's name is ramaKANT

Is there a need to say anything beyond this???

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Rajinikant got 150 questions in exam paper asking - "Solve any 100 questions"

He solved all 150 and wrote, " Rascalla!, CHECK ANY 100!"

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One day Rajani thought to play cricket in monsoon and rain stopped due to play.

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Rajnikanth's next project is the Titanic in Tamil. However, Rajni has twisted the climax. Both the lead actors survive. Rajni swims

across the Atlantic Ocean with the heroine in one hand and... The Titanic in the other

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"Who says the world will be destroyed in Dec 2012..Rajnikant just bought a Laptop with three years warranty"

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Rajni can walk faster than light.
"Rajni cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed from one form to another".

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Law of Conservation of Rajni

All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did...
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Ans: Dosa... mind it!!!

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Once a photo of Rajnikant was given for Xerox. Don't even try to guess what happened.

We got two copies of the Xerox machine.

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One more:

Once upon a time

Rajnikant used Tooth Powder to get strong teeth

today that powder is known as

"AMBUJA CEMENT"

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Rajni in frustration

KALMADI JOKES

Suresh Kalmadi is member of Indian Parliament for pune and president of the Indian Olympic Association, Asian Athletics Association, and Athletics Federation of India. For last a few months he is making a lot of news in media for by all wrong means, particularly mismanagement of CWG and his possible involvement in cwg scams.

For the very reason their are a number of jokes in the air which show people's anger towards him, here are a few of those jokes, which clearly shows what people thinks about him.
 

 

1. AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters "Sir U made lakhs" you get "SURESH KALMADI"


2. A teacher asks students to tell the class what their father does. The first girl says, “Doctor”; the second, “Lawyer”; the third, “Journalist”. When it comes to the fourth girl, she hesitates and then, blurts out, “He’s a male stripper in a gay club”. The class gasps. But the teacher bravely struggles on. In the break,... the girl replies that he actually works with Kalmadi in the CWG.

 

3. "Breaking news... A.R. Rahman song dropped from CWG ...Instead, Kalmadi will dance at the opening ceremony, to the song. Delhi badnaam hui darling tere liye!"


4. Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing thanx to Kalmadi. Unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.


5. Prince Charles is thanking kalmadi and is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Cwg Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!


6. "Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame. No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game. Crores for my partner, crores for the dame, crores for me too, for spoiling India's name!"


7. "Bhagwan Ram patched up with Allah so that the focus remains on KALMADI."


8. "Compromise proposal for Ayodhya: Let the Hindus construct a temple, but the project must be led by Kalmadi."


9. "Gill calling himself a sports lover is like Shiney Ahuja declaring himself to be a feminist."


10. Question: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi?
Answer: 1 Million - 1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling.


11. The truth behind Bulk SMS banning is to stop Kalmadi Jokes and not Ayodhya.


12.Question: Whats common between CWG committee and students?
Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour.


13. Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!


14. " Suresh Kalmadi must be the first choice if ISRO goes for trial and error experiments for manned space mission,"


15. BREAKING NEWS: Suresh Kalmadi just tried to hang himself in the CWG Stadium. But the ceiling collapsed.


If you have more jokes about this great guy, please share here...