Hansa & Praful DICTIONARY

"DECIDE"

Hansa: Praful "Decide" matlab ?

Praful: "Decide" Hansaaaa-a ... vo Casettee player mein hum casettee nahi dalte usme hota hai na .... "A side" -- "B side" to "C-side" .. "D- side"

---> "Decide"

"MATURE"

Hansa: Ae Praful, mature matlab ????

Praful: jab apna mahesh... chori karte hue pakda gaya tha.. tab usne kya kaha tha ?

Hansa: usne kaha tha.. leave me.... "MAIN CHOR NAHI HOON" ..main chor .....main chor.....mature. ..acha acha...."

"Alphabet"

Hansa: praful alphabet matlab?

Praful: alphabet hansa,local train mein safar karte hoye maasi jaise hi koi seat khali dekhti hai to wo apni beti alpha se kya kehti hai?

Hansa: alpha beth seat pe, alpha beth,

oooooooooooo, acha toh yeh alphabet!!

"ASSET"

Hansa : Prafulll "Asset" matlab???

Praful : Asset Hansaaa ...

Jab hum gaadi mein jaate hai and jab gaadi signal par rukti hai ..... taab vo bhikari log aa kar kya bolte hai ...

"Aee Seth... thoda paisa do naa" ... " Aee Sethh .... " ... Asset ..

“DEPEND”

Hansa: Yeh Depend kya hota hai Prafful??

Praful: Depend Hansa... wo Swimming Pool mein ek taraf to paani kam

gehra hota hai, aur dusri side zyada gehra..... Deep-End.. Depend!

TOURNAMENT

HANSA:- ae he he PRAFUL, TOURNAMENT MATLAB??

PRAFUL:- TOURNAMENT HANSA!!! YE JO TUMNE JHUMKE PEHNE HAIN, GEHNE PEHNE HAIN INKO ENGLISH ME KYA KEHTE HAIN, BOLO BOLO!!

HANSA:- AAA HAN HAN TOURNAMENT, (HANSA KHUSH)

MELISA:(CHIDH KAR: ARE USE TOURNAMENT NAHI ORNAMENT KEHTE HAIN

HANSA:- ARE KUCHH BHI MAT BOLLL

EK JHHUMKA -- ORNAMENT, DO JHHUMKE -- TWO ORNAMENT# #TOURNAMENT

"AE PRAFUL!! YE MELISA KO BHI BABUJI KI TARAH KUCHH BHI NAHI ATAA.."

Source: Internet

Top 10 ways to avoid RAPE

1. Don't live in India - 
Migrate to Bharat instead. 
(Courtesy - RSS Chief Mohan Bhagwat)

2. Don't eat chowmein.
(Courtesy - Khap Panchayat)

3. Don't go out with boys in the night.
(Courtesy - Abu Azmi of Samajwadi Party).
Better still - go on self imposed house-arrest.

4. Don't wear jeans. Fashion is strictly prohibited.
(Courtesy - too may people to mention)

5. Get married when you are 16years old.
(Courtesy - Khap Panchayat)

6. Don't use mobile.
(Courtesy - Some Panchayat in UP)

7. Don't cross Maryada
(Courtesy - MP Minister Kailash Vijayvargiya)

8. Say NO to anything remotely connected to western culture
(Courtesy - RSS Chief Mohan Bhagwat)

9. Perform puja to put "stars" in correct "position".
(Courtesy - Chhattisgarh Home Minister Nanki Ram Kanwar)

And if everything mentioned above fails and you are still being raped, here is the last weapon

10. Call your rapist "Bhaiya".
(Courtesy - Spiritual Guru Asaramji Bapu)

That ought to STOP THE RAPE!!

Courtesy: Random FB guys

Best quotes on Sir Ravindra Jadeja

DISCLAIMER: The below quotes have been written as a joke and are NOT true. Please read with a pinch of salt.

Quotes:

“There are 2 kinds of all-rounders in the world. One – Ravindra Jadeja. Two – Adnan Sami!” – Bappi Lahiri

“I am unfortunate that I only get to bowl at him in the nets.” – Harbhajan Singh

“Anything can happen to us if we’re on a plane flying over a cricket stadium in India with Ravindra Jadeja at the bowling crease.” – A paranoid air-hostess

“He has been out of form longer than some of our guys have been alive.” – Unmukt Chand

“If I am to field when Jadeja is bowling, I will field with my helmet on. They all hit him so hard!” – Cheteshwar Pujara

“I saw him playing on television & was struck by his technique, so I asked my wife to come look at him. Now I never saw myself play, but I feel that this player is playing much the same as I used to play, and she looked at him on TV and said – are you effing out of your mind?! I’d like a drag of whatever it is you’ve been smoking, chump. Now get dressed…you are going to see an ophthalmologist!” – Sir Gary Sobers

“Technically, you can’t fault Jadeja. Seam or spin, fast or slow every goddamn thing is a problem.” – Geoffrey Boycott

“The pressure on me is nothing compared to Ravindra Jadeja. Jadeja, like Ram Gopal Verma, must always fail. The crowd always expects him to fail and it is too much pressure on him. And, he rarely disappoints them.” – Jacques Kallis

“Don’t bother bowling him good balls, he gets out to the bad ones.” – Monty Panesar

“Jadeja has been sent by N. Srinivasan to play cricket and then go back…to Dhoni.” – Ravi Shastri

“I’ll be going to bed having sweet reassuring dreams of myself just running down the wicket & belting him back over the head for six!” – Shoaib Malik, Shane Watson & David Warner (in unison)

“When Sir Ravindra Jadeja first travelled to Sri Lanka to play in yet another of those meaningless ODI series, Shahid Afridi was yet to come out of his 2nd retirement, Tiger Woods was yet to be accused of infidelity, Balotelli had never earned a red card & Kristen Stewart was still a virgin.

When Jadeja embarked on a glorious career taming Kulasekara & co., Poonam Pandey was a name unheard of; Suresh Raina’s nephew was in his nappies; baby Bachchan was still a stray sperm swimming in AB’s pelvic cavity & SRK was yet to promote Ra.One.

It seems while Time was having his toll on every individual on the face of this planet, he excused one man. Time stands frozen in front of Jadeja. We’ve had champions, we’ve had legends, but we’ve never had a Jadeja & we never will.” – Time magazine 

“The earth has carried the burden of Jadeja for 24 years. It is time we carried him on our shoulders.” – some undertaker

“Only he can play that leg glance with his thigh guard.” – Waqar Younis

“He is just what the doctor ordered (Euthanasia).” – Ravi Shastri

“He is to Indian Cricket what Tushar Kapoor is to Bollywood” – Shilpa Shetty

“Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don’t know, something he himself doesn’t know either – whether he’s a batsman or a bowler. Forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to the ground, people switch off their TV sets for the high octane excitement of watching lawns grow.”– BBC

“Cricketers like Jadeja come once in a lifetime, and I am sorry he didn’t play in my time. Could have added a few more cheap wickets to my tally.” – Muttiah Muralitharan

“Commit all your crimes when Jadeja is batting. They will go unnoticed because even the Lord is dozing off to sleep.” – A placard at the Saurasthra Cricket Ground

Courtesy : Abhijit Dey

Genie

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses.

On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied.

"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"Thirty-five," she replied.

"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."

The Almighty Rajnikanth(funny)

Rajnikanth's fan has been considering him a God for centuries and after recently exposed facts they have more reasons to believe it. According to some Indian Archaeologist who are claiming to unearthed some prehistoric manuscripts which says that in the contrary to general assumptions Adam and Eve were in fact children of Rajnikant who later gave them to God so that the God can understand the social science lessons practically which Rajnikanth taught him.

 Courtesy- Corner Jokes

Funny Facts

If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world! That's called Attitude! Keep on rocking!

Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.

They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage,
slow & sure!

Only 20 percent girls have brains, rest have boyfriends!

All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone
else!

Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune - bapu ji ya chacha ji???

When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flows from your eyes always say these words:
Eh Ganpat, chal daru la.

10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

KALMADI JOKES

Suresh Kalmadi is member of Indian Parliament for pune and president of the Indian Olympic Association, Asian Athletics Association, and Athletics Federation of India. For last a few months he is making a lot of news in media for by all wrong means, particularly mismanagement of CWG and his possible involvement in cwg scams.

For the very reason their are a number of jokes in the air which show people's anger towards him, here are a few of those jokes, which clearly shows what people thinks about him.
 

 

1. AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters "Sir U made lakhs" you get "SURESH KALMADI"


2. A teacher asks students to tell the class what their father does. The first girl says, “Doctor”; the second, “Lawyer”; the third, “Journalist”. When it comes to the fourth girl, she hesitates and then, blurts out, “He’s a male stripper in a gay club”. The class gasps. But the teacher bravely struggles on. In the break,... the girl replies that he actually works with Kalmadi in the CWG.

 

3. "Breaking news... A.R. Rahman song dropped from CWG ...Instead, Kalmadi will dance at the opening ceremony, to the song. Delhi badnaam hui darling tere liye!"


4. Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing thanx to Kalmadi. Unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.


5. Prince Charles is thanking kalmadi and is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Cwg Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!


6. "Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame. No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game. Crores for my partner, crores for the dame, crores for me too, for spoiling India's name!"


7. "Bhagwan Ram patched up with Allah so that the focus remains on KALMADI."


8. "Compromise proposal for Ayodhya: Let the Hindus construct a temple, but the project must be led by Kalmadi."


9. "Gill calling himself a sports lover is like Shiney Ahuja declaring himself to be a feminist."


10. Question: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi?
Answer: 1 Million - 1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling.


11. The truth behind Bulk SMS banning is to stop Kalmadi Jokes and not Ayodhya.


12.Question: Whats common between CWG committee and students?
Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour.


13. Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!


14. " Suresh Kalmadi must be the first choice if ISRO goes for trial and error experiments for manned space mission,"


15. BREAKING NEWS: Suresh Kalmadi just tried to hang himself in the CWG Stadium. But the ceiling collapsed.


If you have more jokes about this great guy, please share here...