Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts

February 19, 2013

Missing some funny stuff???

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Missing some funny stuff??? Here we have some weird, funny but damn true facts. Enjoyyy....


Coca-Cola was originally green.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.


111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.


Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.


On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

November 28, 2010

Proposed Changes for IPL4 (funny)

3 comments:
Hi friends, As you know cricket is more than a game in India. In recent years due the IPL, which is one of the most valued game event of the world, it has become more politicized than ever was. Right now IPL is in the process of undergoing a few major changes, so here are some (funny) changes to be made for next IPL.



1. The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India.



2. Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, Mr Dalit Modi.



3. The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only Maharashtrians (preferably Maharashtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken. Zaheer Khan will have his house burned down. So will Irfan Pathan, Yusuf Pathan and Mohd Kaif.



4. The Chennai Super Kings team will be renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha respectively.



5. Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers etc.



6. Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked.



7. Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for women.



8. Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets.



9. Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized.



10. All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.



11. IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cellphone will immediately be withdrawn.



12. Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him.



13. Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.



14. These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks.



15. IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and subsequently from 3.30 p.m. to 7p.m, subject to satellite link-up availability.



16. Between each innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi, followed by news for the hearing impaired.



17. Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game termed " Krishi Darshan."



18. There will be no matches on weekends or on national / regional holidays.



19. The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.



20. Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghasssarkundi balls (Hindi terms for underhand bowling) to the reserved players.



21. Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own version of the tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 billion to fund it . 

October 01, 2010

KALMADI JOKES

4 comments:
Suresh Kalmadi is member of Indian Parliament for pune and president of the Indian Olympic Association, Asian Athletics Association, and Athletics Federation of India. For last a few months he is making a lot of news in media for by all wrong means, particularly mismanagement of CWG and his possible involvement in cwg scams.

For the very reason their are a number of jokes in the air which show people's anger towards him, here are a few of those jokes, which clearly shows what people thinks about him.
 
 
1. AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters "Sir U made lakhs" you get "SURESH KALMADI"


2. A teacher asks students to tell the class what their father does. The first girl says, “Doctor”; the second, “Lawyer”; the third, “Journalist”. When it comes to the fourth girl, she hesitates and then, blurts out, “He’s a male stripper in a gay club”. The class gasps. But the teacher bravely struggles on. In the break,... the girl replies that he actually works with Kalmadi in the CWG.

 
3. "Breaking news... A.R. Rahman song dropped from CWG ...Instead, Kalmadi will dance at the opening ceremony, to the song. Delhi badnaam hui darling tere liye!"


4. Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing thanx to Kalmadi. Unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.



5.
Prince Charles is thanking kalmadi and is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Cwg Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!


6. "Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame. No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game. Crores for my partner, crores for the dame, crores for me too, for spoiling
India's name!"


7. "Bhagwan Ram patched up with
Allah so that the focus remains on KALMADI."


8. "Compromise proposal for
Ayodhya: Let the Hindus construct a temple, but the project must be led by Kalmadi."


9. "Gill calling himself a sports lover is like
Shiney Ahuja declaring himself to be a feminist."


10. Question: How many contractors are required to change a
light bulb in Delhi?
Answer: 1 Million - 1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling.


11. The truth behind Bulk SMS banning is to stop Kalmadi Jokes and not Ayodhya.



12.Question: Whats common between CWG committee and students?

Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour.


13. Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!



14. "
Suresh Kalmadi must be the first choice if ISRO goes for trial and error experiments for manned space mission,"


15. BREAKING NEWS: Suresh Kalmadi just tried to hang himself in the CWG Stadium. But the ceiling collapsed.



If you have more jokes about this great guy, please share here...





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