Proposed Changes for IPL4 (funny)

Hi friends, As you know cricket is more than a game in India. In recent years due the IPL, which is one of the most valued game event of the world, it has become more politicized than ever was. Right now IPL is in the process of undergoing a few major changes, so here are some (funny) changes to be made for next IPL.

1. The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India.

2. Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, Mr Dalit Modi.

3. The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only Maharashtrians (preferably Maharashtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken. Zaheer Khan will have his house burned down. So will Irfan Pathan, Yusuf Pathan and Mohd Kaif.

4. The Chennai Super Kings team will be renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha respectively.

5. Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers etc.

6. Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked.

7. Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for women.

8. Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets.

9. Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized.

10. All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.

11. IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cellphone will immediately be withdrawn.

12. Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him.

13. Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.

14. These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks.

15. IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and subsequently from 3.30 p.m. to 7p.m, subject to satellite link-up availability.

16. Between each innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi, followed by news for the hearing impaired.

17. Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game termed " Krishi Darshan."

18. There will be no matches on weekends or on national / regional holidays.

19. The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.

20. Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghasssarkundi balls (Hindi terms for underhand bowling) to the reserved players.

21. Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own version of the tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 billion to fund it . 

The Four 'P's of Marketing (funny)

WAS GOD AN ASTRONAUT?

 ‘Reading’ is my hobby. But I’m not a kind of bookworm who keeps reading all the time, putting all other things aside. But a modest reader who reads novels, newspapers, magazines, blogs, reports etc on a regular basis.  One day I read a lot and another not at all, but reading is affixed with my life firmly.

But the problem with me is that most of books I start reading never get a fair end and they are left unfinished. Mostly due to the zeal I have at the starting time may evaporate before I could finish the book. Only those books get a happy ending which have either a good story or I have some keen interest in the subject.

Today I finished a book; unfortunately the first reason was not there of reading, since the book has some dubious content.  It was ‘Chariots of the gods’ by Erich Van Daniken. Though it is not a great book but the subject of it was so absurd that I could not resist and have to read it.

In the book the author write about a very different theory, a totally different theory developed by himself, based on many natural evidences. It says that the humanity was transferred from some alien creatures to the earth some thousands years ago. To prove the theory he gave numerous examples including Easter Islands, Piri Ries Map, The plain of Nazca, Mahabharata, and a lot of other absurd and dubious examples. I’m stating those ‘dubious’ while the reading the book I was also googling the strange names, places and stories but couldn’t find much relevant content. Though the book was published on 1969 and it is 2010 today, and the level of research and the information available on that day and today have a very big difference.

Still the book provides a totally different angle and after reading the book you must be wondering that whether the theory is right or wrong, since there are so many evidences and examples to support it.

Here I would like to discuss the author’s view about Mahabharata, since I’m very comfortable with this particular topic. 

 According to the theory in Mahabharata the tale of Kunti who was made pregnant by God Sun and later gave birth to Karan, was in fact a example of how the astronomers from another world passed their genes to human.  They were the aliens whom our ancestors later depicted as Gods due to their immeasurable power and inhuman characteristics. They would come from the sky, passed their knowledge to our ancestors,  breed some women and returned to their place in the some far planet.

I won’t  rate the book as a very  good read but still the absurd theory makes it a must read book.

And in last in my opinion we have to accept sooner or later that we are not alone in this universe and the theory by Danikan has definitely a point, it may be wrong might be correct.

Need a laugh??? Just go through it...

Hello friends, this time I'm posting a collection of funny facts. Some of these facts you may have read earlier, otherwise most of these facts are new ones. So make laugh yourselves.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

 Don’t worries about what people think; they don’t do it very often.

 Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

 For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

 If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

 Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.

 A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

 Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

 No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

 Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

 Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

 Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

 There is always one more imbecile than you counted on!!

 Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

 By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

  Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

 If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

You are unique and special, just like everyone else.

The man who walks far will always get there after the man with a car

Live every day like it's your last because one day you will be right!!!!

Behind every successful woman is a not so surprised man

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiters, is not a nice person.

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.

Drive carefully
It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire
his work.

A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. If at first you don't succeed ... well, so much for sky diving.

A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two
things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.

Harbhajan's Heroic Century Saved the Test

Very Very Special Laxman’s decent inning and Harbhajan Singh’s spectacular maiden ton were enough to save the first test match against severely wounded NZ that recently lost both test and ODI series by Bangladesh, a very ordinary cricket team to combat. It was a very rare test match having a very absurd turn that put the Indian team in an almost losing the match situation from nearly won the match situation, within mere 31 balls of pacer Martin. And by the end of day 4, India was in a very uncomfortable situation, having just 115 runs lead and already loses its six wickets. But both the player of Indian squad Laxman and Harbhajan saved the test which almost won by kiwis.  

"Bhajji tusi..........
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
TUSI bade hi gr8 ho"

These are the lines wrote by a cricket fan, showing the love for heroic inning played by Harbhajan today. 

One more Indian fan commented "India to be no.1, its not because of dhoni's captaincy. Its all bcoz of the great players in indian team, and the platform set by the greatest captain ever for india that is sourav ganguly, the performing players are here bcoz of ganguly."

Rajnikant Crackers on This Diwali

Hi friends, I'm publishing some nice funny facts about Indian superstar Rajnikant. Rajnikant enjoy a status of  next to God for his great and very large fan followers. I hope you will enjoy this, you sure going to be mad if you are reading these first time.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.

Rajnikant counted to infinity - twice.

When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. (God help me.. i cant take this anymore)

Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. (LOL)

Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.

There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

Rajnikant's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Rajnikant can divide by zero.
 

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick.

Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rajnikant"

If you Google search "Rajnikant getting kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Rajnikant can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Rajnikant doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai.

Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

James Cameron wanted Rajnikant to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Thousands of years ago Rajnikant came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.

Rajanikanth makes onions cry

Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rajanikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.

Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajanikanth can drown a fish.

When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.

When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.

Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Rajanikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajanikanth?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”

Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

In the end wishing you all a very happy and prosperous DIWALI...........

Dreams

It was always in my dreams, in my thoughts that one day the way I am living will change and the future will be more adventurous, humorous and full of life; but by every passing day or month or year, the thoughts and the dreams are looking more a distanced unachievable fantasy rather hopeful future. They consist no element of the reality of the life. They say that one should dream big, because the person who dreams big and sets goal a little higher, certainly achieves a better position in life than a person with small dreams in eyes. But what the use of dreaming big, if you are unable to achieve those.

A person's 90% fate or destiny being decided on the day s/he born, by his/her genetic heritage, social and economical environment. So if Bill Gates creates Microsoft, the social, economic and technological environment of the surrounding has as much credit as he. Another guy living in Myanmar couldn't create the giant, no matter how much intelligence he possess. It doesn't mean that people in America are more successful than others but of course they have a very big advantages over others. Now a days with the possible power shift from west to east, we may have next Bill Gates from a eastern county. It could be anyone except me. Anybody who recognize a very beautiful opportunity at the right time, but certain quality he will posses. Those qualities are Brilliance, hard working, opportunism and passion. Do you have all these????

 

I'm writing a novel

No, No, I'm not just joking, the title is as true as the honesty of hon-able Mr.Suresh Kalmari or that of Mr. Ashok Chavan. I'm very very serious about writing the novel, my first one though, but I'm sure I will make you forgive the greatest of great writers ever walked over this earth, as soon the novel reaches to you. Now I guess you want to ask me that what heavenly stuff I'm writing that making me so optimistic about this. So friends this super novel is not a regular novel with a fishy love story or a boring criminal saga or a super cooled booker winning stuff, which nobody could ever understood. This story is very special, first of all because I'm writing this, and other reason is that this is coming directly out of my super mind. You may wonder but it took me over 8 years to finish it's first para, only because it takes a lot of hard work to inking so great thoughts on paper. 

You will be surprised that I have even decided to make a movie based on the story of the novel. A movie which will demolish all the bloody records which are standing tall today. And the very first show of the movie will be screened at our parliament, which would be a historical event, since it would be the first time in history of Indian constitution that a great movie will be screened at the great parliament house.

Well the story of the so called novel or movie is about a son of a famous politician of India, the location of the politician doesn't matter since all the politician from across the country posses the same characteristics and the same character. The guy will be doing only one thing in the whole story, f****** pretty girls and women, as the our politician do, they even f*** all other living and long living creatures also. But as it happen in all 'lived happily ever' after kind of story the young guy will be caught in a supernatural kind of place and will lost his all the best friends and than will understand the true meaning of life.

But I'm not sure how many years it will take to finish the job of writing the novel. Here a simple math student can conclude that I'm going to finish it before the earth stops rotating or before all the Indian politicians turns into as honest person as Gandhi was.