80 RAJNI FACTS

1. Rajnikant has counted to infinity-twice.
2. When Rajnikant does pushups, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.
3. Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is!!
4. Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
5. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.
6. Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they just made him blink.
7. Rajnikant’s every step is a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of his morning jog!
8. Where there is a will, there’s a way. Where there is Rajnikant, there is no other way!!
9. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai!
10. Rajanikanth can build a snowman…. out of rain.
11. Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
12. Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
13. Rajanikanth can play the violin….on a piano.
14. When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on ….he turns the dark off.
15. Rajanikanth once had a heart attack…. his heart lost.
16. Rajanikanth makes onions cry.
17. It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes .
18. The only things that run faster and longer than Rajnikant are his films.
19. Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
20. When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.
21. Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.
22. Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
23. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.
24. Rajnikant is so fast. He can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
25. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
26. Rajanikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
27. Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
28. When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
29. Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
30. Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
31. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
32. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
33. Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
34. Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
35. Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
36. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
37. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.
38. Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
39. Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
40. With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
41. The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.
42. When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.
43. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
44. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
45.. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
46. There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.
47. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
48. Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
49. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
50. Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
51. Rajinikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.

52. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajinikanth was born.
53. Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
54. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
55. Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
56. Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
57. Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.
58. Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.
59. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
60. The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
61. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.
62. Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
63. Rajinikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury’s.
64. Rajinikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
65. Rajinikant can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.
66. Rajinikanth knows what women really want.
67. Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.
68. Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.
69. As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.
70. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajinikanth’s fist.
71. Rajinikanth puts the ‘laughter’ in manslaughter.
72. Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
73. Rajinikanth is a champion in the game “Hide n’ seek”, as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.
74. Rajinikant proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
75. Rajinikant is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.
76. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on.
77. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajinikanth.
78. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajinikanth.
79. When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
80. Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

THE PREGNANT GIRL

Young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. Scared??..She confides this ' news' to her mother. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, If there is a miscarriage or unsuccessful delivery , what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, " You can try again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Four 'P's of Marketing (funny)

Need a laugh??? Just go through it...

Hello friends, this time I'm posting a collection of funny facts. Some of these facts you may have read earlier, otherwise most of these facts are new ones. So make laugh yourselves.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

 Don’t worries about what people think; they don’t do it very often.

 Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

 For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

 If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

 Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.

 A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

 Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

 No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

 Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

 Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

 Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

 There is always one more imbecile than you counted on!!

 Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

 By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

  Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

 If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

You are unique and special, just like everyone else.

The man who walks far will always get there after the man with a car

Live every day like it's your last because one day you will be right!!!!

Behind every successful woman is a not so surprised man

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiters, is not a nice person.

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.

Drive carefully
It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire
his work.

A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. If at first you don't succeed ... well, so much for sky diving.

A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two
things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.

KALMADI JOKES

Suresh Kalmadi is member of Indian Parliament for pune and president of the Indian Olympic Association, Asian Athletics Association, and Athletics Federation of India. For last a few months he is making a lot of news in media for by all wrong means, particularly mismanagement of CWG and his possible involvement in cwg scams.

For the very reason their are a number of jokes in the air which show people's anger towards him, here are a few of those jokes, which clearly shows what people thinks about him.
 

 

1. AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters "Sir U made lakhs" you get "SURESH KALMADI"


2. A teacher asks students to tell the class what their father does. The first girl says, “Doctor”; the second, “Lawyer”; the third, “Journalist”. When it comes to the fourth girl, she hesitates and then, blurts out, “He’s a male stripper in a gay club”. The class gasps. But the teacher bravely struggles on. In the break,... the girl replies that he actually works with Kalmadi in the CWG.

 

3. "Breaking news... A.R. Rahman song dropped from CWG ...Instead, Kalmadi will dance at the opening ceremony, to the song. Delhi badnaam hui darling tere liye!"


4. Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing thanx to Kalmadi. Unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.


5. Prince Charles is thanking kalmadi and is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Cwg Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!


6. "Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame. No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game. Crores for my partner, crores for the dame, crores for me too, for spoiling India's name!"


7. "Bhagwan Ram patched up with Allah so that the focus remains on KALMADI."


8. "Compromise proposal for Ayodhya: Let the Hindus construct a temple, but the project must be led by Kalmadi."


9. "Gill calling himself a sports lover is like Shiney Ahuja declaring himself to be a feminist."


10. Question: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi?
Answer: 1 Million - 1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling.


11. The truth behind Bulk SMS banning is to stop Kalmadi Jokes and not Ayodhya.


12.Question: Whats common between CWG committee and students?
Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour.


13. Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!


14. " Suresh Kalmadi must be the first choice if ISRO goes for trial and error experiments for manned space mission,"


15. BREAKING NEWS: Suresh Kalmadi just tried to hang himself in the CWG Stadium. But the ceiling collapsed.


If you have more jokes about this great guy, please share here...