Best Jokes- In Hindi

Santa Radio lekar khet me potti karne gaya.
Banta:Aaj to maje se ki hogi?
Santa:Khak maje se ki, radio pe Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya. Khade khade kani padi.

Ekbar ek sharabi ja raha tha achanak kichchad me gir gaya itneme bijli chamki sharabi bola he bhagwan ek to kichchad me gira diya aur photo bhi khinch liya

1 Sardar library me 3 Ghante 1 Book padhne k Baad bola
SO BORING itne sare characters but no story.
Librarian-
Sardar Ji, wo TELEPHONE DIARY thi.

Ek Sardar apne Marriage Certificate ko ek ghante se dekh raha tha.Biwi boli:tussi inni der se ki dekh rahe ho?
Sardar:Expiry Date dekh raha hu. ....

T.V. chalu karo aur news dekho katrina hospitaliesed hai kyonki usne mujhe propose kiya aur maine use sadi se mana kardiya to us pagli ne apne hath ki nas kat li

100 ladkiyo ne suicide kar liya aur 30 ne apne nas kat li aur 10 ladkiya behose ho gayi kyonki kisi kamine ne meri sadi kijhoti khabar faela di thi

One day RAVAN went to disco... aur woh behosh ho gaya, due to shock.....!
why.....?? " Coz the entry fee was Rs. 1500 per HEAD...!!!

Har Khushi Teri Taraf Mod Doo
Tere Liye Chand Tare Tak Tod Doo
Khushiyon Ke Darwaje Tere Liye Khol Doon,
Itna Kaafi Hai ya Do Chaar Jhoot Aur Bol Doo

Munna bhai: "Circuit, agar bus pe tu chade, ya fir tujpe bs chadJaye 2 kya hoga"!!
Circuit: "bole 2 bhai,dono baar ticket apani hi kategi."

Maa-Nalayak Kaha Thi Itni Raat Tak?
Beti-Boyfriend Ke Saath,
Maa-Kar Aayi Na Muh Kala,
Beti-Toh Kya Hua Maa Fair & Lovely Hai Na. . .

pehle wo meri GF thi
Me bolta tha wo suni thi
phir wo meri mangetar bani,
Wo bolti thi main sunta tha
jab wo meri BIWI bani Hum dono bolte he
Mohalla sunta hai.

vo bhi kya din the jab 19-20 sal ki ladkiya hum ko roz kiss kar ti thi
lakin tab hamri kismat phuti thi ki hamari umar 2-3 sal ki thi

Girlfriend ne kiya kiss aur jal gye mere Lips.
Girlfriend ne kiya kiss or jal gye mere Lips.
Kyuki Vo kha kar ayi thi INDIAN "BINGO RED CHILLY CHIPS".

2 choohe paid pe baithe the,
neeche se 1 hathi guzra,
1 chooha hathi pe ja gira
dosra chooha bola - daba ke rakh saale ko me baata hu.

Best Justin Bieber Jokes Ever

Q: What's worse than finding a Justin Bieber CD in your boyfriend's bedroom?
A: Finding a box of tissues next to it. 

Q: What’s the difference between a water bottle and puberty? 
A: A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber. 

Q: Why is Justin Bieber so pale? 
A: Because theres no light in the closet! 

Q: How do stories from Justin Biebers early childhood begin? 
A: "A few months ago" 

Q: Why doesn't Justin Bieber eat bananas? 
A: He can't find the zipper! 

Q: How did Justin Bieber hurt his head? 
A: He fell off a ladder trying to reach puberty! 

Q: What does Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree have in common? 
A: Their balls are just for decoration. 

Q: What does Justin Bieber and the New Years crowd at Time Square have in common? 
A: They’re both waiting for balls to drop! 

Q: What will happen if you call Justin Bieber gay? 
A: He will slap you with his man purse. 

Q:What do you call a Canadian girl who can't sing? 
A:Justin Bieber. 

Q: What is Justin Bieber's new hit single? 
A: "If I were a Boy" 

Q: What’s the difference between Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga ? 
A: One of them has balls and it ain’t Bieber. 

Q: Why is it sometimes alright to judge a book by its cover? 
A: Sometimes it's named 'Justin Bieber', and you know its crap! 

Q: Why is Justin Bieber like Ms. Pac-man! 
A: Just a token and she's ready to swallow! 

Q: How hard is puberty going to hit Justin Bieber? 
A: Harder then Chris Brown hitting Rihanna! I heard Justin Bieber has an 8 inch dick, But it’s in his ass and belongs to Usher. 

Q: What does Justin Biebers asshole and his mouth have in common? 
A: They both produce the same shit! 

Q: Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? 
A: A Snickers bar has nuts! 

Q: Why do Justin Biebers male friends nickname him "Shotgun"? 
A: Give him a cock and he'll Blow! 

Q: If Eminem is the King of Rap, what is Justin Bieber? 
A: The Queen of Crap! 

Q: What does Justin Bieber and Pinocchio have in common? 
A: They both want to be real boys. 

Q: What is the biggest lie of 2011? 
A: "Justin Bieber is the father of my Baby" - Mariah Yeater. 

Q: What is Victoria's Secret? 
A: (whispering) Justin Bieber is gay! 

Q:  How do you piss off Justin Bieber? 
A: Tell him Santa Claus aint real. 

Q: How do you REALLY piss him off? 
A: Punch him in the teeth & tell him the tooth fairy aint real!

Some other similar crap:
1. Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja- Funny Facts
2. Best of Sir Ravindra Charles Jadeja
3. Lord Rohit Sharma Jokes- II

Missing some funny stuff???

Missing some funny stuff??? Here we have some weird, funny but damn true facts. Enjoyyy....

Coca-Cola was originally green.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Hansa & Praful DICTIONARY

"DECIDE"

Hansa: Praful "Decide" matlab ?

Praful: "Decide" Hansaaaa-a ... vo Casettee player mein hum casettee nahi dalte usme hota hai na .... "A side" -- "B side" to "C-side" .. "D- side"

---> "Decide"

"MATURE"

Hansa: Ae Praful, mature matlab ????

Praful: jab apna mahesh... chori karte hue pakda gaya tha.. tab usne kya kaha tha ?

Hansa: usne kaha tha.. leave me.... "MAIN CHOR NAHI HOON" ..main chor .....main chor.....mature. ..acha acha...."

"Alphabet"

Hansa: praful alphabet matlab?

Praful: alphabet hansa,local train mein safar karte hoye maasi jaise hi koi seat khali dekhti hai to wo apni beti alpha se kya kehti hai?

Hansa: alpha beth seat pe, alpha beth,

oooooooooooo, acha toh yeh alphabet!!

"ASSET"

Hansa : Prafulll "Asset" matlab???

Praful : Asset Hansaaa ...

Jab hum gaadi mein jaate hai and jab gaadi signal par rukti hai ..... taab vo bhikari log aa kar kya bolte hai ...

"Aee Seth... thoda paisa do naa" ... " Aee Sethh .... " ... Asset ..

“DEPEND”

Hansa: Yeh Depend kya hota hai Prafful??

Praful: Depend Hansa... wo Swimming Pool mein ek taraf to paani kam

gehra hota hai, aur dusri side zyada gehra..... Deep-End.. Depend!

TOURNAMENT

HANSA:- ae he he PRAFUL, TOURNAMENT MATLAB??

PRAFUL:- TOURNAMENT HANSA!!! YE JO TUMNE JHUMKE PEHNE HAIN, GEHNE PEHNE HAIN INKO ENGLISH ME KYA KEHTE HAIN, BOLO BOLO!!

HANSA:- AAA HAN HAN TOURNAMENT, (HANSA KHUSH)

MELISA:(CHIDH KAR: ARE USE TOURNAMENT NAHI ORNAMENT KEHTE HAIN

HANSA:- ARE KUCHH BHI MAT BOLLL

EK JHHUMKA -- ORNAMENT, DO JHHUMKE -- TWO ORNAMENT# #TOURNAMENT

"AE PRAFUL!! YE MELISA KO BHI BABUJI KI TARAH KUCHH BHI NAHI ATAA.."

Source: Internet

Top 10 ways to avoid RAPE

1. Don't live in India - 
Migrate to Bharat instead. 
(Courtesy - RSS Chief Mohan Bhagwat)

2. Don't eat chowmein.
(Courtesy - Khap Panchayat)

3. Don't go out with boys in the night.
(Courtesy - Abu Azmi of Samajwadi Party).
Better still - go on self imposed house-arrest.

4. Don't wear jeans. Fashion is strictly prohibited.
(Courtesy - too may people to mention)

5. Get married when you are 16years old.
(Courtesy - Khap Panchayat)

6. Don't use mobile.
(Courtesy - Some Panchayat in UP)

7. Don't cross Maryada
(Courtesy - MP Minister Kailash Vijayvargiya)

8. Say NO to anything remotely connected to western culture
(Courtesy - RSS Chief Mohan Bhagwat)

9. Perform puja to put "stars" in correct "position".
(Courtesy - Chhattisgarh Home Minister Nanki Ram Kanwar)

And if everything mentioned above fails and you are still being raped, here is the last weapon

10. Call your rapist "Bhaiya".
(Courtesy - Spiritual Guru Asaramji Bapu)

That ought to STOP THE RAPE!!

Courtesy: Random FB guys

7 FUNNY JOKES

1). In School Days,

SANTA Was A Class Monitor!!
1 Day A New Teacher Asked Him.

"How Many Students R there In Ur Class???

He Replied:
"32 Girls, 44 Boys & Me'':-D

2). Girlfriend: Baby,

   I'm Pregnant.
   What Do You Want It To Be?
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   Boyfriend: A Joke.

   3). What is the difference between wife & saali?

Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,

Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,

Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,

Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,

Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,

Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake...:p

4). Human brain is the most

    outstanding object in world.
    It functions 24 hours a day,
    365 days a year.
    It functions right from the time we are born,
    and stop only when we enter the examination hall.

  5).  2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls

Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.

1st Guy To Second-What Will We Do Now?

2nd Guy-U Marry My Sis,
I Will Marry Ur Sis

6). On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him,

    "Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
    Sardar : "Ya sure, from landline or mobile".

   7). SANTA went to court

JUDGE:
"Order ! Order !"

SANTA:
"1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"

JUDGE:
"Shut Up !"

SANTA:"No,No..7-Up!

Funniest Facts of the world

• It is impossible to lick your elbow.

A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

A shrimp's heart is in their head.

When you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand or attempted to do so.

In the United States alone, there is a lawsuit every 30 seconds.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Rats and horses can't vomit.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

If the U.S. government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for US citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

Forty percent of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

100% of all lottery winners gain weight.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

160 cars can drive side by side on the Monumental Axis in Brazil, the world's widest road.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Cat's urine glows under a black-light.

A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Genie

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses.

On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied.

"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"Thirty-five," she replied.

"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."

fUNNY mAP oF iNDIA

World's funniest jokes

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."